@climaxximus

luke: *tips hat* waterwalker
jesus: *tips hat* skywalker

You Might Also Like

@Douchekevin

The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face.

I think she’s just found my twitter account

@noogscorner

Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper “Perfect. Master will love you.” This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace…

@Cravin4

Marital Law & Martial Law while look similar have very different meanings…

.. Except at my house.

@MarfSalvador

me: so there’s nothing you can do to help?
doctor: no, you’re just going to have to live with it I’m afraid
me: [takes baby] ugh fine

@That_Damn_Duck

Yes he’s financially stable & hasn’t been to jail for domestic violence like the other guy but I can change the other guy wait & see – Women

@Mom_Overboard

Being a parent is kind of like being a Scooby Doo villain. I would’ve gotten away with so many things if it weren’t for these meddling kids.

@CornOnTheGoblin

[DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color…is it…gray?
[OTHER DOG] oh my GOD

@SaraThomas84

If my phone is so “smart” how come it keeps letting me drunk dial my ex

@Marcmywords2

Sure boss, I’d love to take on some extra work, I have like 7-8 free hours a night where all I do is sleep anyway.

@QwertyJones3

Pictionary is the perfect game to play whenever you need an excuse to punch your friend in the face.