luke: yoda, i wish for…….. your freedom
yoda: i’m not a genie. i’m a person like you. i just look really weird

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Walk into a pawn shop with a ponytail & a handlebar mustache & they treat you like Ray Liotta walking thru that restaurant in Goodfellas


I wonder if people in Fiji pay $6 a bottle for “American Water.”


*climbs Mt. Everest hoping to find clarity, PEACE & a deeper understanding of myself & the world*

“When did they put a Starbucks up here?”


I grew up in a time where your mothers saliva was the most powerful cleaning agent around.


I hope one day to have the chance to whisper “what’s she doing here?” to the person next to me at a funeral.


Crabs always look like they’re walking themselves out of an awkward situation ….


The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.


Mean Girls 2020: “Gross, isn’t that the mask you wore yesterday?”