The number of things that are *not* rocket science is staggering.
Lycra leggings didn’t get me to the gym.
But I choreographed a modern dance trying to peel them off.
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Officer: I’ll need to see a photo ID.
Me: (pulling out a selfie at an R.E.M. concert) That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spotlight.
Never sell a golf club on Facebook to someone from East Kilbride!
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Sue: I’m off to the hairdressers, what sort of cut would make me look beautiful? *giggles*
Stan: A power cut.
That awkward moment when someone asks if you’ve dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
The Wicked Witch swings a light saber at Obi-Wan just as he throws a water balloon at her. All anyone finds later are piles of clothes.
Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that’s ghanistan af.
“Welcome to Armageddon
Welcome to Legageddon
Welcome to Quadageddon”
Me: *raises hand* Are you the only trainer available at the gym today?
CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement?
(with Cheeto stained lips)
Me: That’s my signature.