@3sunzzz: M: I just can't find the words.
H: She's kidding, give her a minute.
@Douchekevin: Wife asked if I was going to take out the trash.
Told her I didn't know her sister needed a ride home.
I'm bleeding. Call 911
@JosesLovesYou: I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet
@justmiche74: I could not be more annoyed
Ok, I’m more annoyed
@YourYakiri: You know that confused look old people get when looking at new technology?
I'm like that, but with salad.
@BuckyIsotope: Closing time, son
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here
"But I live here Dad"
*Dad stares at me*
Don't forget your Xbox