@DadandBuried: Made the mistake of laughing at something my 7yo said and thus entered into a 72-hour hell spiral of listening to him repeat the same joke over and over and over and over...
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@ToneLoaf: If you beep your horn .004 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off the car, lay on the hood and feed the birds for an hour.
@Jamberee13: Person: *falls in love with me* Me: I have felt bad for a spoon I accidentally threw away because it probably thinks I don’t want it anymore and, why is it the only spoon the in the trash. Person: ok cool, never mind.
@_davidlucas_: *Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back.
@ericsshadow: Would you get your phone if you dropped it in a toilet? 1996: eww that's gross 2016: head first without thinking