My favorite romantic comedy sub-genre is “Hugh Grant falls in love with someone for no reason.”
[magician rolls over in bed]
“Last night was amazing”
Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast?
Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]
You Might Also Like
Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You’re freaking out the customers.
If I were a ghost, I’d spell “antidisestablishmentarianism” on the Ouija board just to waste those idiots’ time.
[looking at photo album]
Me: Here’s the story of how daddy met mommy
Son: Why is your hair spiky…
Daughter: …and long in the back?
Me: You touched my heart.
Cardiologist: You’re not supposed to be awake, but thanks. LOL
Survival Tip: When flipping off your wife behind her back…
Make sure she’s not standing in front of a mirror.
Your husband’s super cute, is he single?
Waiter, Waiter, my date spilled her water.
No problem, I’ll get you another one.
Thanks, but make sure she likes football.
#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
I hate that “You know what to do” voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad.
A little to the left.
Yeah, that’s the spot.
Me, watching my husband scrub the shower.