“Make yourself at home.” they say, then it’s “Ma’am please put your bra back on.”
Make up your mind, library story time, make up your mind!
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The bigger issue about the Hobby Lobby decision is the fact that people working in a craft store are getting laid more than I am.
Boss: “you’re fired”
Me: “I guess we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree”
Greek people must feel like a tampon.
They live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but at the worst period.
If a vampire gets AIDS from one of its victims, is it considered an STD or food poisoning?
Confuse your least favorite person at work by moving in slow motion when they’re the only person watching you
Hey baby, are you climate change? Cuz I believe in you.
#ItsTheEndOfTheWorldAnd I’m going to run with scissors and swim immediately after eating!!!
ME:Can I wish for more?
M:I wish u couldn’t count
G:Done. How many do u have left?
G:That sounds right