@TheEighthKnight: Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
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@_alexwray: [couple inviting me somewhere] Why yes I'd love to accompany you as a third wheel, it is my most favorite of all the wheels, wheels I love
@PerkyandSaggy: *Girl opens Xmas present* "Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?" "Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*
@badbanana: If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.