@IamEnidColeslaw

making it rain (CHEETOS) in the club (my bedroom)

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@TheNYAMProject

Me every day: You kids drive me insane. I need a break.

Me before a kid-free trip: I CAN’T LEAVE MY LITTLE SUGAR PLUMS

@SugarMagicSpice

I wish I had as much confidence as the dude that’s getting ready to eat that gas station sushi has.

@3sunzzz

6yo Me: I can’t do this.

Teacher: You need to take can’t out of your vocabulary.

6yo Me: I cannot do this.

@AnniemuMary

My grocery store changed its whole layout. It was better the other way so I’m slowly and quietly moving everything back.

@Elizasoul80

Does anyone ever put a chip with too much dip on it into their mouth, then shove a second chip in there to even out the chip to dip ratio?

@tchrquotes

Having kids is a little like when the free sample lady tries to tell you all about the cheese & you pretend to be interested while you eat.