Him: So whattayou wanna do?
Her: I dunno
Him: So…You wanna play video games?
Him: So…You wanna watch me play video games?
Man buns are just the beginning, next thing you know it’ll be ok for men to have anything on their heads, like a goat or a small child
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I can’t love you. I’m still in love with a girl I saw in a toothpaste ad 15 yrs ago. She winced when she ate ice cream, I can’t abandon her.
me: *arms up, screaming*
cashier: but that is the price
I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.
Meanwhile India is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting
I took a break from social media to spend more time with my family. My family has requested I spend more time with social media.
me: No no, autocorrect, this is my DAD, we know him.
autocorrect: *growling* Dan.
me: *spritzing my phone with water* NO
if you get caught speeding and a cop asks you “where’s the fire” you can just make up an address. they don’t have a list of current fires.
Client said she needs to “find her zen” during our mediation and I don’t think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.
last night in a voiceover session
me doing a line: COME!
engineer: sorry, could you do that come again, it was a little too strong
me: …yeah…no problem…sorry my come was too strong