‘What I’m about to say is extremely important!!’
man cave? she shed? no no. im in my theysement
You Might Also Like
farmer: YOU AGAIN
For english press ONE. Para espanol el primo numero DOS. If you like totes can’t even right now, obvs press THREE.
Me: Waiter, there’s a fly in my primordial soup.
Waiter: Sorry, sir. I’ll ask him to evolve into something more pleasant.
“Would you like the tuna fish casserole?”
“No thanks, I’ll take the pig ham sandwich”
I only watch French tv shows so my dogs think I’m more cultured than I actually am.
When my family says things like…why don’t you have kids yet? I say “Because I didn’t get drunk & do the football team, Sasha.”
Sigmund Freud: I fell over
Me: A Freudian slip?
Sigmund Freud: Not funny – I stepped on glass
Me: Is it a bit of a pane?
Sigmund Freud: You’re enjoying my misfortune
Me: Yes, it’s shard-in-Freud
I’d kill for a body like that BUT I WILL NOT EXERCISE FOR IT
The right sneeze can adjust a tampon.