@Darlainky

Man, people are taking spring cleaning extra seriously this year.

You Might Also Like

@aveuaskew

Ulterior motives? Please, I don’t even know why I do things.

@dog_feelings

the tiny monsters are on their way. and my job. is to hold this bucket of snacks for them. i was told they can only take one. but that’s not my rule to enforce

@CMHorrocks

These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops.
You’d think they would have went before the race.

@duplicitron

I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.

@LizHackett

I’d be fine with a ghost in the house if every time a message in blood appeared on the wall it was something helpful like YOUR KEYS ARE IN THE FRONT DOOR.

@kelkulus

Kim Jong Un has upgraded himself from “Leader of North Korea” to “Supreme Leader of North Korea” by adding sour cream and extra cheese.

@dugglebutt

Google HR: do you have any questions?

Me: if I had any questions, I’d Google it

Google HR: you’re hired

@CrockettForReal

Parents out there naming their kids things like, Montana and Carolina and Dakota, but you never see anyone with the balls to name their kid, Idaho

@chapel3929

What idiot called it an engagement ring instead of a Kneel Diamond?