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@FU_TangClan: man: wait
@SentenceReduced: I keep my punching bag next to the fridge to let out my anger when there's nothing to eat.
@KimmyMonte: Giraffes were invented in 1780 when three horses accidentally swallowed a ladder
@Skoogeth: [being boiled alive in a witch's soup]
witch (smacking me with her broom): stop *smack* eating *smack* all *smack* the *smack* potatoes *smacksmacksmack*
@UncleDuke1969: People may question my parenting methods, but my kids have made it to 20 and 22 without becoming serial killers. Or, if they have, they're super good at it. Either way.