@FU_TangClan

man: wait

time: no

You Might Also Like

@jonnysun

i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt hav any chicken so i fried a egg and now im waitig for it to hatch

@pixelatedboat

Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn’t find the other guy’s arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours

@ThugRaccoons

Signs you’re a man:

*has a massive heart attack* It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.

*catches a cold* Gather ‘round children. My time is drawing nigh.

@raniao2011

For all those men who say”Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
I say: why buy an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

@JB4Realz

[first day as chinese police officer]

me: guys…it happened again.

[police radio]: okay *sigh* push your fingers in gently toward each o…

@TheCatWhisprer

Not sure why “you’ve made your bed, now lie in it” is supposed to be a bad thing. It sounds pleasant. I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

@SuperJonny64

What idiot called them anti-anxiety meds instead of relaxatives?

@markleggett

Unemployment gives you time to follow your true passion: Worrying about money.

@karanbirtinna

I saw a UFO flying over my house this morning but my camera has too many pixels and clarity so I didn’t capture it.