My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Man: When my brother Sanctus opened his shop, he named it Sanctuary
Friend: Okay, but…
Man: My sister Esther opened her own and named it Estuary
Friend: I know, but just…
Man: So what’s the issue with my own?
Friend: That’s what I’m trying to explain Obi
You Might Also Like
A little about me: I’m a beekeeper. I see a bee, I keep it. I don’t care whose bee it is. Should have been watching it better.
It’s not that I don’t like drinking, it’s just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I’m sober.
That’s so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?
[Calling guy I met in bar in ’91]
Me: Remember you said “Call me any time?” Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
If the future is now, then how come the pizza I’m gonna order later isn’t here yet?
The doctor told me that at some point I’ll have to stop partying and I said I’d cross that bridge and find a new doctor.
My mother always told me “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”…and some people wonder why I’m so quiet around them.
Man: hey you.
M: i’m Christian.
W: That’s a pickup line?
*rolls eyes, walks away
M: ugh. i hate my name.
I just saw an article titled “Can We build a Real Jurassic Park?”
DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE?!