Maybe I did use cilantro because I knew you hate it, but good luck proving that.
She thinks I make bad decisions
“He picked a fight with a raccoon”
HE LOOKED LIKE A CRIMINAL, KAREN
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Room service: Would you like your glass of wine before din…Me:(interrupting) YES.
It’s cool that shopping centres have a Reservoir Dogs tribute room now.
The cool thing about robbing a library is that you have two weeks before they notice.
He MAILED it
her: I’m bored
me: let me take you out and show you a good time
me: *walking past a bar* look, everyone in there’s having fun
her: I see
a black mirror episode where u text someone and they screenshot it for 27.9m ppl
[at doctor’s office]
Nurse: You may get undressed now.
Me: [rips off tear away pants]
Nurse: Most people wait until I’m out of the room but okay.
Next time you’re on a date and someone asks “Is that your boyfriend or your brother?” smile really creepy and whisper “Both”.
It seems Bichon Frisé is a dog breed and not, as indicated in the recipe, a fancy salad green. We regret any confusion this may have caused.