“This soup was so good I wish I could just…NOMCRNCHNCH”
“There must be a better way!”
-Inventing the bread bowl
marriage counselor: pretend you both just started talking.
me: goo goo gah gah
marriage counselor: no.
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I’m not positive,
but I think when you say you’re “over” something,
YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.
do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify
I’m helping the sharks celebrate their big week by throwing cats into the ocean.
Sometimes I like to pretend an ! is just a ? squeezing through a tight space.
The only thing sexier than a girl wearing glasses is a girl wearing only glasses.
Me: *points at romantic relationships*
God: *slaps my hand* NO
Her: I hate drinking alone.
Me: *downs shot glass of honey mustard* I prefer it.
[Lois & Superman’s first date]
Superman: You look beautiful, Loren.
Lois: What? Who’s Loren?!
*Superman flies around the earth and reverses time*
Superman: You look beautiful, Lois.
Her: Tell me what you want
Me: A burrito
Her: No!! Tell me what you want in bed
Me: Oh! *gets in bed* a burrito