@LarrysTwin99

Marriage isn’t for everyone, especially for married people

You Might Also Like

@JennyJohnsonHi5

In the eye doctor waiting room with my mom. There’s apparently an old person throat clearing competition here today.

@ThaJawn

*puts Fitbit on Roomba

*eats crackers with no plate or napkin

@Paige__xxx

Marriage means commitment. So does insanity.

Coincidence?

@DanMentos

judge: how do you plead
me: no further questions your honor

@BrendanMcKeigan

Got kicked out of the grocery store. Apparently yelling “LET THE BEETS DROP!” And throwing them at the ground is not acceptable.

@bigmacher

Ugly sweater day at work. I’m wearing a new, really nice expensive sweater but walking around saying “ugh, please, this old thing.”

@TheMichaelRock

Bad news: I just stepped on the cat.

Even worse news: I think I just created a Nicki Minaj song.

@Pumpkinbabypie

You know how sharks die if they ever stop swimming?

It’s the same with my mother in law and talking.