[first day in hell]
Me: *opening google maps* better find this “special place” they said was here for me
Marriage Tip: never go to bed angry.
Go to bed planning your opening rebuttal for the next morning.
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When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I’m a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.
“2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN’T HAVE FITTING ROOMS,” I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle.
Okay, don’t let him know ur a vampire.
“What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?”
OH COME ON
STOP YELLING AT PEOPLE WHEN YOU’RE IN ANOTHER ROOM she yelled from another room
Coming home to my dog reeking of hamburgers and betrayal
Time heals everything 🙂
150 different species go extinct every single day. Even worse, you keep not being one of them.
What is the deal with beverages being called Dry, you are literally lying
[3 dads circling new neighbor on their bikes]
“im not looking for any trouble”
all three dads in unison: HI NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IM DAD