“Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?”
“THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN”
You hang up..
No, you hang up…
You hang up….
Noooo, you hang up. They’re your clothes. I’m not your maid.
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my grandpa: i used to take 50 cents to the store & come back with a new pair of shoes but u can’t do that today
me: inflation, right?
my grandpa: security cameras
Remember when all we had to worry about was a little poop on our lettuce?
Babies are instinctual swimmers like puppies, right? Kind of need an answer quickly.
It’s impossible for TWO dudes to ride ONE motorcycle without it looking romantic…
[zombies eating me]
Zombie 1: does he taste funny to you?
Zombie 2: no, he tastes like he’s trying too hard
God: this pie is outstanding. where’d you get the apples?
Eve: ok promise you won’t get mad
Date: *reading menu* anything pop out at you?
Me: I don’t think it’s that kind of book
Him: Let’s take the stairs!
Me: I think we should see other people.
Took me ages.