@C_Hendrick

Marvellous mathematical takedown of a Motivational Poster

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@Shot_Of_Cabo

Impress your wife by cleaning something she just cleaned and then proudly announce, “There! Now it’s clean.”

@simoncholland

You wouldn’t believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this preschool.

@Smooheed

Writing a personal ad. So far I have:

Has all own teeth

@evilmallelis

things I would say ALL THE TIME were I a Mysterious Widow:
-how terribly kind of you
-richard LOVED the water
-i can’t, i’m wearing gloves

@djr_102

Women love shy guys with some sensitive sensibilities. They also love confidence and assertiveness. So, have multiple personality disorder.

@iamspacegirl

me as a realtor:
This house does include a crawl space. It’s probably full of bones already, but you can always add more bones yourself.