Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say “What’s up, Chad?” & he’ll be all “Whoa… How’d you know my name, bro?”
Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you
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[little old lady struggling to pick up her bag of library books off the floor]
Me: [walking by]
“It’s easier if you lift with your legs.”
*I open my McDonald’s bag and a bunch of dirty pigeons fly out*
Narrator: The McPigeon, new from McDonald’s
Interviewer: What’s your greatest strength?
Hulk: Is that a trick question?
Does the writer who left the space blank get upset when a note is added that it was intentionally left blank?
Sometimes I’m scared I’ll miss my kids when they move out but then I find a bowl of cereal in the bathtub tub and I’m not so scared anymore.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong…
What the FU..
(I have a master’s degree)
There’s way too much blood in my alcohol system today