There’s a lot of mountains high enough to keep me away from you. You see that Everest mountain? Ain’t no way I’m climbing that for you.
May the Force be Mass times Acceleration.
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I was gonna make a run for the border, but I remembered I’m in Canada so nah
me: [being abducted by aliens] i’m not going without my cat
my cat: [from inside spaceship] get in, loser. all cats are aliens
me: i knew it
What does $50 get you at the Chanel store?
13 seconds of eye contact.
my phone, crying: ..pleaSe… I have no space…. delete some photos… I’m begGing you….
me: *hits download*
Evidently, trying to schedule parent/teacher conference over drinks and “we’ll see what happens” is considered inappropriate.
Everyone else: hold my beer
Me: *chugs beer* alright, let’s do this shit
What if all countries have ninjas, and we only know about the Asian ones because they suck?
Dad: [tied to chair] You’ll never make me talk.
Bad Guy: *pulls back a velvet curtain revealing a wall with hundreds of thermostats*
You’re leaving Twitter? For good? That’s too bad. We’ll miss you. See you next week!