I think the bigger issue with our country is that Paula Deen even had that many endorsements to lose in the 1st place.
Maybe if I answer the door naked the pizza delivery guy won’t realize I paid with Monopoly money.
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Am I deceitful? Yes. I am not.
*1st dinner date*
Me: waiter, can I get the bill-
Her: I love sophisticated guys
Me: I mean *coughs* waiter can I get the… william?
we talk a lot of shit about men but without them we wouldn’t have forensic files, 48 hours, dateline, some 20/20s, serial, on the case with paula zahn, cold case, my favorite murder, making a murderer, homicide hunter,
Oh no I just accidentally did everything wrong all my life
Bars are Weird
Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
My neighbor just planed an orange tree. I told him, “That’s a strange color for a tree.”
*brings a laser pointer to the Broadway showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem*
My wife’s job is to announce our exit is two miles away when we pass a big sign that says our exit is two miles away.
Nothing says you’re a parent like being jealous of a tree because it’s all alone.