@theDanLawler

Maybe if Red Bull gave me buffalo wings i’d give a shit.

You Might Also Like

@sammyrhodes

Here’s a crazy idea. What if Budweiser took all that advertising money and actually made better beer?

@BatBatshitcrazy

I’ve got 19 yo boys lining up to mow my lawn. Cougar game strong? Nah, I just make a mean lasagna.

@ScobeyWanKenobi

The best part about being thirty is that I’m finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies.

@AmishPornStar1

Life Tip: If you’re ever attacked by a shark, compliment his smile. Sharks are very vain and susceptible to flattery.

@fro_vo

Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island
Island Man: oh come on not this again

@JPLFR80

Do werewolves pull their ripped pants down to poop in the woods?

@AmericanGent69

{last supper}
Jesus: This bread is my body. This wine, it is my blood. And this Cadbury egg is filled with my…
Judas: Ok ok that’s enough!

@wildethingy

I am not a monster and if anyone says I am then I’ll devour their children.

@Book_Krazy

Batman: Why so down?

Aquaman: People think I’m not a real superhero. I’m tired of being walked all over.

*[Jesus enters]

Aquaman: Dammit!