you never gotta worry about me cheating on you… i might eat something that was yours but thats about it
Maybe if Red Bull gave me buffalo wings i’d give a shit.
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Make your day better by imagining people you don’t like floating helplessly into the sun.
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Biden: I told him that we call in attacks on countries by blocking them on Twitter.
Biden: Trust me.
People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I’m happiest when I’m right!
Me: Do you like the new ceiling fan?
Her: Yeah, but the fan light is really dull.
Fan light: Ok wow like I’m right here