@Sarcasticsapien

Maybe if we start the ‘Read a Book Challenge’ we can raise awareness for stupidity.

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@karanbirtinna

(Indian wedding)
White friend: OMG that’s so spicy!

Me: First of all, it’s a glass of water.

@PanicRestroom

Before records were invented, people used to say: u sound like an opera singer that keeps repeating himself

@HairyJew4Life

Me: Wanna go out?

Her: You’re not Black

Me: I’m Jewish. We’ve been persecuted more than them.

Her: …

Me: That’s not why you like them?

@Adar79Angie

If I had to list one thing I’m truly outstanding at I think it would be ripping open resealable bags so they are no longer sealable.

@NotJPo

“Baby, I’m gonna make you mine.”

– sweet talker forcing someone to be a coal miner

@Breadery

The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank.

@SamGrittner

You’re one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What’s not to like about birthdays?

@TheMichaelRock

Mom: You should come camping with us! It’s only $100!

Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside?

Mom: Yeah.

Me: I’m getting a new Mom.