White friend: OMG that’s so spicy!
Me: First of all, it’s a glass of water.
Maybe if we start the ‘Read a Book Challenge’ we can raise awareness for stupidity.
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Before records were invented, people used to say: u sound like an opera singer that keeps repeating himself
Me: Wanna go out?
Her: You’re not Black
Me: I’m Jewish. We’ve been persecuted more than them.
Me: That’s not why you like them?
If I had to list one thing I’m truly outstanding at I think it would be ripping open resealable bags so they are no longer sealable.
“Baby, I’m gonna make you mine.”
– sweet talker forcing someone to be a coal miner
The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank.
You’re one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What’s not to like about birthdays?
Mom: You should come camping with us! It’s only $100!
Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside?
Me: I’m getting a new Mom.
My mom was right. My face did stay this way.
Why was six afraid of seven? Generations of institutionalized bigotry.