Maybe if we start the ‘Read a Book Challenge’ we can raise awareness for stupidity.

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(Indian wedding)
White friend: OMG that’s so spicy!

Me: First of all, it’s a glass of water.


Before records were invented, people used to say: u sound like an opera singer that keeps repeating himself


Me: Wanna go out?

Her: You’re not Black

Me: I’m Jewish. We’ve been persecuted more than them.

Her: …

Me: That’s not why you like them?


If I had to list one thing I’m truly outstanding at I think it would be ripping open resealable bags so they are no longer sealable.


“Baby, I’m gonna make you mine.”

– sweet talker forcing someone to be a coal miner


The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank.


You’re one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What’s not to like about birthdays?


Mom: You should come camping with us! It’s only $100!

Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside?

Mom: Yeah.

Me: I’m getting a new Mom.