Maybe it’s just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.

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You know that you’re officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.


Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn’t drink you back. It doesn’t make sense.


Next time someone asks you how you slept,
close your eyes & say “like this” & just stay that way for like 8 hours!!!


Me: Did you get my RSVP to your open bar?

Friend: You mean my wedding?

Me: Yeah, sure!


Welcome to homeschooling. Your house has 847 pencils in it, yet your child can never find one.


They are making gluten free communion wafers now. I guess you eat them because they represent the beach-body of Christ.


Remember, ladies, when you’re taking those selfies, the camera adds like 10 cats.


If every day is a gift, I’d have to say today was a Fruitcake from Last Year Day.

Recycled, disappointing and held together by booze.