@gwatts77

Maybe it’s just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.

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@squirrel74wkgn

You know that you’re officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.

@MildlyClassic

Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn’t drink you back. It doesn’t make sense.

@Beatonm5

Next time someone asks you how you slept,
close your eyes & say “like this” & just stay that way for like 8 hours!!!

@Drytown1

Me: Did you get my RSVP to your open bar?

Friend: You mean my wedding?

Me: Yeah, sure!

@copymama

Welcome to homeschooling. Your house has 847 pencils in it, yet your child can never find one.

@BrettDruck

They are making gluten free communion wafers now. I guess you eat them because they represent the beach-body of Christ.

@_SetTheHook_

Remember, ladies, when you’re taking those selfies, the camera adds like 10 cats.

@Cyd10e

If every day is a gift, I’d have to say today was a Fruitcake from Last Year Day.

Recycled, disappointing and held together by booze.