You know that you’re officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.
Maybe it’s just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
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Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn’t drink you back. It doesn’t make sense.
Next time someone asks you how you slept,
close your eyes & say “like this” & just stay that way for like 8 hours!!!
Kisses are like real estate ….
Location Location Location
Me: Did you get my RSVP to your open bar?
Friend: You mean my wedding?
Me: Yeah, sure!
Welcome to homeschooling. Your house has 847 pencils in it, yet your child can never find one.
They are making gluten free communion wafers now. I guess you eat them because they represent the beach-body of Christ.
Remember, ladies, when you’re taking those selfies, the camera adds like 10 cats.
If every day is a gift, I’d have to say today was a Fruitcake from Last Year Day.
Recycled, disappointing and held together by booze.
Not all heroes wear capes…