@HelloCullen

Maybe print wouldn’t be dying if they still employed tough dirty children to yell at me to read all about it

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@hell_homer

deep in the forest theres a metal box that controls most forest settings. toggle birds, set default leaf size, select season, squirrel ratio

@MorganJ7

I don’t friend zone people I relationship zone them. You want to be my friend? Too bad, we’re dating.

@TinaMav

We are the people our parents warned us about.

@CulturedRuffian

I just found an unopened box of Girl Scout cookies underneath my futon in my mom’s basement so yeah-I found love in a hopeless place.

@captainkalvis

Her: i think taking care of your teeth is super important.

Me: *nodding* i like having teeth because then i can always taste my skeleton.

@SuperJonny64

What idiot called them anti-anxiety meds instead of relaxatives?

@AndrewNadeau0

If nobody else is going to say it I will: I think Gaston eats too many eggs.