Maybe print wouldn't be dying if they still employed tough dirty children to yell at me to read all about it

Maybe print wouldn’t be dying if they still employed tough dirty children to yell at me to read all about it

deep in the forest theres a metal box that controls most forest settings. toggle birds, set default leaf size, select season, squirrel ratio

Life would be so much easier if my cat drove.

I don’t date married men.

I mean I wouldn’t call it dating…

I don’t friend zone people I relationship zone them. You want to be my friend? Too bad, we’re dating.

I cannot imagine being as bored as the first person to poach an egg

We are the people our parents warned us about.

I just found an unopened box of Girl Scout cookies underneath my futon in my mom’s basement so yeah-I found love in a hopeless place.

Her: i think taking care of your teeth is super important.

Me: *nodding* i like having teeth because then i can always taste my skeleton.

What idiot called them anti-anxiety meds instead of relaxatives?

If nobody else is going to say it I will: I think Gaston eats too many eggs.

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