@GabbbarSingh
The initials of the Sri Lankan players read like DOS commands. MKDIR, CHKDSK.
@noogscorner
Maybe that neighbor without a Wi-Fi password isn’t an idiot. Maybe he’s generous. And an idiot.
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@GabbbarSingh
@2tickytacky
Cop: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
Shark: *eats cop*
@MaraWilson
FRIEND: Want to do Escape the Room?
ME: Dude like 90% of my life is me trying to figure out how to get out of places I don’t want to be
@EtobicokeErnie
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.
@Cheeseboy22
Me: Is your friend coming or what?
16yo son: I don’t know. He’s not answering his texts.
Me: Why don’t you call him?
Son: I don’t know what that is.
@Travon
So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we’re still in the top 10.
@difficultpatty
Twitter is for people who don’t like to poop alone.
@Offensivehere
Hitler was the worst camp counselor ever.
@Pork_Chop_Hair
I don’t think the water lizards run on the water always. I think it’s a “oh hey I forgot something” or “shit it’s the cops, run” thing.
@minkpinkustink
why do they call it involuntary manslaughter and not a grave mistake