Drink like a fish and you’ll never feel like a fish out of water socially. You might look like one but you’ll never feel like one…
Maybe the Loch Ness Monster is really just giraffes that don’t want people to know they like to swim
YOU DON’T KNOW
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gingerbread man: hold on
[puts baking paper on the bed]
Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.
If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think “now it’s their problem.”
“Very colorful, fun. I’d put it in my mouth”
“A bit scary, seems sharp. Still, I’d put it in my mouth”
-Baby reviews of stuff on the floor
Stick it to the man
if your Snapchat story is just one straight minute of you driving and singing along to a song I’m showing your insurance company bc honestly I’m tired of it
Hot Pockets- Now with 5 cheese!
Me- *adding both nacho and spray cheese* Amateurs
Therapist: You have passive aggressive issues.
Me (under my breath): says the woman who only listens to my troubles because I pay her.
Group projects are the best