How to fall down stairs
McDonald’s burgers always look so great in their commercials but when you actually order one it always looks like its been sat on.
You Might Also Like
Him: What’s your sign?
My husband suffers in silence louder than any person I know
GOD: no work on the sabbath or I’ll kill you
ISRAEL [hasn’t had a day off in 400 years]: awesome!
ISRAEL: we mean…oh no so hard
if you ever want to witness an Oscar worthy performance, ask any person from twitter their follower count and watch them pretend to not know
I will give Canada this. Their geese are hard to keep in a headlock.
Kids. Because who else is willing to stampede through the house sounding like an overweight elephant while also only weighing 30 pounds?
Co-worker: *spots me in line for Toy Story* wait, you have friends?
Me: *clutching two extra large popcorn for myself* yes and I’m about to see them all
I just tried to put my coffee pot in the refrigerator. I obviously slept very well and I’m on the way to a fabulous day.
Her: “Your funny”
Me: “…. Uh ya… this isn’t gonna work”