You Might Also Like

@Bob_Heller

My boss told me: “Dress for the job you want…” so there will be a stormtrooper at tomorrow morning’s meeting.

@RexChapman

This guy hitting straight bombs off his toddler at home during the Coronavirus pandemic is the Twitter content I’m here for.

Stay at home. Save lives.🌎❤️

@CPajamaShark

I’ve got this great joke where I kidnap people’s sticker families and leave little post-it ransom notes. Adorable or horrifying? You decide

@KelgoreTrout

the easiest way to distinguish between their/there/they’re is to remember that they are all different words

@meladoodle

A demon that writes messages on your mirror with blood but they’re useful messages. Like “remember you have yoga at 6 tonight”

@LizHackett

No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence “We need to leave in ten minutes.”

@bossy_bootz

Me in my 20’s:
oh cool there’s an after party

Me in my 40’s:
oh cool this cardigan has pockets

@adoraobubo

Funniest joke I heard today: The reason Zimbabwe isn’t ready for its own currency is they don’t have a dead president to put on the money 😂

@JimmerThatisAll

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t reference any other achievements?

@kumailn

Mustaches are the eyebrows of the lower face lol. Now that I have your attention, climate change is a real problem whether we see it or not.