Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.
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Margaret Thatcher died?? And more importantly, Margaret Thatcher was still alive??!!
Everyone needs that one friend that will promise to redraw your chalk outline to make you look skinnier.
i don’t get why IDs expire as proof of identification. ima always be me, right? right???? what does the govt know that i don’t
me: this is free, right?
Shower like nobody is watching.
DJ: WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON’T CARE
*crowd nervously looks at each other
*meek yet courageous man steps up
I wish horses knew that every person who drives by them says, “Oh look. Horses.”
I decided not to put my clocks back so from hence forth I shall be on time for everything.
Someone is stealing cats in my area and I hope that the cops catch the purr purr traitor.