@SirEviscerate
ME: *sits*
BARBER: You’re completely bald.
ME: Just snip the scissors around my ears and gently touch my head for 10 mins, please.
@dadmann_walking
Me, 19 at my first real corporate job: this is awesome. Why is everyone so grumpy??
me, 17 yrs later at same company: I swear to everything Carol if you “reply to all” one more damn time I will rip your face off and use it as a mask!!!!!
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@SirEviscerate
@SarcasticAlly12
Why are ghosts always just moaning? Did your manners die too? Use your words!
@Phook75
Considering we’ve produced Miley Cyrus and Kanye West, I’m more surprised other countries haven’t built a wall around the U.S.
@Scorpio1080
“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
@TeeJayRush
It’s ‘before’ not ‘B4’…
We don’t speak Bingo here…
@robfee
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
@Stap_Jr
My dog loves going for hikes but I carry him for most of it because his feet get cold so I guess technically he likes being carried around in a winter forest setting.
@LoveNLunchmeat
You’d be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.
@bazecraze
You name it, my mother knows somebody who died of it.
@Girliegurll
My 10 year old just told his friend I’m cranky cus I have my “pyramid”.