stephen king’s mind:
what if dog…bad?
what if car…bad?
what if clown…bad?
what if hotel…bad?
me: 1985 was a great year
friend: you weren’t even born yet
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how can med students be sick,like bro just look at your notes
If you’re using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady…
That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
If my mom had just faked having a headache I wouldn’t be writing this bullshit on the internet right now
[gestures to the parents of a crying baby] shhhh, please. my foot’s asleep
me: how bout a show like greys anatomy but at an animal hospital
producer: they’re all vets?
me shaking head no: they’re all animals
Sorry, I just got your text. Do you still need a ride to the ER?
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane.
– Beat Cop
My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight.
Frankly, I’d rather cut the Obgyn.