Star Wars films are like my wives – we don’t talk about the first 3
Me: a calm, methodical Navy SEAL when I clog my own toilet
Also me: a terrified, incapable, frozen idiot when I clog yours
You Might Also Like
“Behold, a 3 headed cat” “um, its just 3 cats taped together” “Behold, a 12 legg…*tape rips, one cat runs away*..errr 8 legged cat.”
My dad, a beekeeper, and my mum, an aviarist: we need to talk
Me: what about
her: should we stay for dessert, or you want to back to my place for that 😉
me: *scanning the menu* do you have chocolate souffle at your place?
her: no, but-
me: let’s stay
the divorce rate for socks is 100%
Studying abroad: Spending months in another country.
Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley.
Me: “Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?”
Wife: “Well, what does it say on it?”
Me: “Buffalo Sabres.”
Wife: “You’re an idiot”
English: i before e, except after c.
Science: Ummmm, No.
Doctor: I need to draw some blood
Me *hands him a red crayon* haha
Doctor *stabs it in my arm* haha
Interviewer: How did you hear about the position?
Me: *sweating profusely* W-with my ears.