Have been an Arsenal fan for barely an hour and I’m already frustrated,how have they been coping for the past decade?😭
Me: a cop once told me that I was the politest drunk he’d ever met
Interviewer: I meant achievements relating to the job
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*gives up seat on bus for an old lady*
*whispers in her ear*
“This isn’t over”
…it’s on the house 😉
Quickest way to get over someone? 4 wheel drive
I like to use the Ouija board to pester my dead husbands.
1 PM: I can’t wait to go to bed
1 AM: I should reorganize the garage
A guy just beeped for me to move from my parking spot and now I’ll be live tweeting from this spot for 3 more hours.
I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.
Want to stop getting invited to parties? Be a nonchalant double dipper.
It’s that simple.
We’ll take these $75 baby shoes. No need for a shoe box. We’ll just let him wear & outgrow them on the car ride home.