Dad owl: I’m dying so I need you to look after things. I’m going to give you-
Son owl: Don’t say it
Dad: Power of a tawny
Son: [turns head]
ME, a cowboy: *gallops heroically into town*
SHERIFF: can i help you, son?
ME: has..*sweating profusely* has anybody seen my horse?
You Might Also Like
use this coupon for the pizza
whats the worst that could happen
[calls wife 10min later]
Im in something called pizza jail
A man reading a thesaurus saunters into a tavern.
God is everywhere and knows everything? God sounds a lot like my ex-wife.
Chicago sounds lovely.
Nice job, whoever chose the word “monosyllabic” for that.
I hate it when you have french fries and all of the sudden people are acting like they like you
Are we sure that we’re supposed to look for a human to settle down with? Cause I’m discovering I have much more in common with this blanket.
me: [gets on one knee]
me: [reaches into pocket]
me: [pulls phone out] don’t move there’s a Pokemon on your foot