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@jake_lach: Me and my lover, sitting in a tree A-R-G-U-I-N-G
@envydatropic: A watched pot never boils but a pot left unattended burns. So you see my dilemma.
@harikondabolu: Indian Brothers & Sisters: You know all those awful things Columbus did to the Native Americans? Just remember...HE WAS LOOKING FOR US
@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, "Pretend stoplight."
@Ms_Laser: If Usain Bolt ever becomes a zombie we are all screwed.
@Beerhaze: Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.