@Jennuflect

[me as a DJ]
Where my single ladies at?
*drunk responses*
This one’s for you
*turns off music, serious tone*
This is a bad place to meet men

[me as a DJ]
Where my single ladies at?
*drunk responses*
This one’s for you
*turns off music, serious tone*
This is a bad place to meet men

- @Jennuflect

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@NurseSeymour

Hooking up with your ex is a great way to reassure yourself that dying alone wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

@walks_on_legs

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@yonewt

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@_Justin_Stepien

sometimes I fill up my bathtub with spaghetti sauce and sit in it and pretend I’m a meatball

@DannyDutch

Isn’t that the name of the guy that played Sherlock Holmes?

@mattgallo123

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@WildeThingy

[revenge plan]
*invent miniaturisation machine.
*shrink to tiny size.
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@Dutch_50

When the cleaning lady say’s “Have a good night”, I try to time it so we say it in unison. Then I say our “You too” response in harmony.

@abbycohenwl

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Me: I don’t even think about it when I’m here