[googles “camaflage spiders”]
[googles “camouflage spiders”]
[me as a doctor]
ME: *delivers baby* congratulations
NEW MOTHER: what is it
ME: it’s a baby idiot
You Might Also Like
Probably not the best place to put the authors name..
The pizza guy just said “see u tomorrow”
Maybe I eat too much pizza …
“The dub isn’t that bad, try it you’ll like it”
LASAGNA IS ONE OF THE WORST SPELLED WORDS THAT SHIT IS ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS, SHOULD BE LASONYA BUT UR ALL SCARED TO TALK ABOUT IT, SCARED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN
Murderer:You can’t hide from me!
Murderer:BOOM BOOM BOOM LET ME HEAR YA SAY WEY-OH!
Me:WEY-OH! God Dammit.
Kill me once, shame on you. That’s pretty much it.
BUFFALO: I was only a kid. I showed Dad my report card. He smiled, hugged me and said ‘good bison’. I never saw him agai…oh, ok I see now
My buddy used to say “why should I wash my towels? After I shower, I’m the cleanest thing in the room.” He’s still single.
Me: Where’s your maternity section?
Her: Over there. How far along is she?
Me: Her? I’m shopping for my Thanksgiving pants.