@Girly_Pictures: Me as a thief
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@Shanehasabeard: Haha, I feel sorry for all you losers who missed out on the Bitcoin train. You should've bought in years ago, like me: A perfectly normal man who coincidentally hoarded a virtual currency during a time when it's only use was for sex trafficking and purchasing organs.
@PleaseBeGneiss: [seafood restaurant] CHEF: where are my shellfish?! ME: *sneaking Prawn Solo and Luke Sidewalker out the door* quick, the rebel alliance needs you
@myonlymizztake: I got a text from an unknown number that said "Game on." It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit.