@dave_cactus: ME AS SATAN: *holding a pitchspork*
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@Parkerlawyer: Opposing counsel licks his thumb every time he turns a page in his file and basically I didn't even know this rage inside me existed.
@jazmasta: [making small talk at a business function] "You're 35 aren't you?" "No, I'm 38" "Oh right" [long silence] "Did you used to be 35?"
@Staggfilms: ME: Heyy baby, tonight I wanna take you to Clown Town. HER: Don’t you mean Pound Town? ME: *seductively puts on a rainbow wig and nods “no”*