My husband proposed two days after Valentine’s day so that every year he could get me discounted flowers and chocolates on the anniversary instead of the holiday
Me at 16: No one can tell me what to do with my life.
Me at 36: Someone please tell me what to do with my life.
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I let a Pasta Chef borrow my car and he returned it all denty
I’ve never played the bagpipes but I have carried a screaming three year old toddler over my shoulder
How excited are you, on a scale from 1 to white woman who just found out that this dinner party has sangria?
“A cantaloupe is an antelope that doesn’t.”
I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.
Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.
To see if my husband uses his shopping list, I used book titles instead food items. So we are either having Grapes or Wrath or bagel bites for dinner.
Will I still enjoy it if I haven’t seen Shepherd’s Pie 1-5?
“If you started at 16 and work until you’re 23.
That would give you 10 years of experience.”
Back to school for you My friend!