Exercise workout videos always have the person smiling. I would rather have a video where the lead person is complain cussing the whole time and saying things like Why are we doing this? This is horrible.
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I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed “take a nap” with “piece of crap” so don’t tell me about your parenting skills.
OMG, he’s almost here.
How’s my hair?
How do I look?
I’m so excited!
*My pizza delivery guy.
Some people need Rosetta Stone for Sarcasm
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it just becomes a soap opera.
*sleeps with the fishes but does not use condom*
Is it weird to think about naming my next cat Batman during sex?
Sir, I just serve coffee here. But no, it’s not weird. It’s fantastic!
At least once a day I say “nice to meet you” to someone I’ve already met which is a great feeling for all involved.
If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board.
Cosmetic surgery is a great way to spend your life savings and end up looking like a surprised owl.