@squirrel74wkgn: *looks over back shoulder* *puts car in reverse* Wife: OH MY GOD *slams brakes* Me: WHAT? Wife: Becky just posted the cutest picture

@GrumpyBahr: I don't think Nyquil knows what cherries taste like!

@KissabiX: [first day as midwife] Dr: take a look at this cervix Me: does it matter if I haven’t seen cer I to VIII?

@Brampersandon_: ME (age 32): I never had many friends growing up idk why ME (age 12): I hope my baby legs fall out soon so my adult legs can grow in

@rebrafsim: Me: I'm the world's most gullible person Friend: really? Me: well apparently not