my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I’m being very selective so she learns to have standards
Me: *buying a pair of socks and a pack of gum*
Kohl’s cashier: You saved $439 today.
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I’d have more sympathy for Sony’s alleged loss of $200 million if that weren’t the cost of like three large popcorns at any movie theater.
Weird how my husband is so adamant about not having more animals for someone who’s going to own more animals.
It’s hard to think about mama johns staying home with all the children johns while papa johns are away at pizza wars.
*Me ordering food, wearing a new white shirt*
I’ll have whatever is the most splattery and red
HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING
Father’s Day Fun:
1) Walk up to a complete stranger at lunch with his family.
2) Hug him.
3) Tell him ‘Happy Father’s Day dad’!
[On The Cross]
Jesus:”Father, forgive them, fore they know no-”
Voice from the crowd:”DO THE WINE TRICK”
“That looks shiny and clean, I’m gonna touch it a lot.”
This Prius we rented is pretty sweet. It can go 0-60 in 6 hours.