I thought 2020 was just going to be a bunch of bad eyesight jokes but no it’s much worse
me: can I give your dog a pet?
me: *places slightly smaller dog next to his*
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Memes like this are the reason I still use social media.
62% of swimmers say they pee in the ocean……. now you know why SpongeBob is yellow.
“And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon….Little boy blue and the man on the moon”
…Drugs in the 70’s must’ve been AWESOME!
Breakfast: 200 calories
Lunch: 500 calories
Dinner: 800 calories
Snack before bed: 15,000 calories
Cop: I’m going in, cover me!
Me:*speed knits blanket*
Me: This is DISGUSTING! WHO PEED ON THE WALL?!
7yo: Not me. I only pee on the floor.
To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon…
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for two?”, I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”.
Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro’s grave..
Must be a communist plot.