HER:He doesn’t trust me.
HER:He’s always spying on me.
ME (dressed as Therapist):Really?
Me: “Can I leave work half an hour early?”
Boss: “Only if you make up the time.”
“OK. It’s 35 past 50.”
Boss: “Just go..”
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My husband drives me to drink.
Unless a friend volunteers.
Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I’ve been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed
HER: tell me about yourself
ME: I have a cat
M: he likes music
M: we’re in a band
M: called Mewtallica
H: ok bye
No thanks, 28 yr old hitting on me at the bar… With our age difference, I wouldn’t be a cougar… more like a saber-toothed tiger.
Westboro Baptist Church Founder Fred Phelps Dies At 84.Who wants to protest a funeral?
I think one of the main reasons I don’t believe in reincarnation is because I don’t like the idea that I’ve done all this before and am still so bad at it.
What if cats are born with names & the fact that we call them names that aren’t those names is the reason they act irrationally towards us?
Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas 6 and crayfish 200. You’re clearly not that complicated.
My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things.