@joshxhowie
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I’d highly recommend Fight Club.
@dshack8
Me: Can u send me those documents?
Coworker: Yes, but u can actually get them by–
Me: Nope, don’t try teaching me to fish. Not interested.
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@joshxhowie
@kenradio
No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser..
@Bluestmoon_
I don’t mean to brag, but I’m in my 30’s and my bank account makes me look 21.
@NOTVIKING
god: we need some ideas for sharks
angel that loves whales: what about whale sharks
god: kinda similar to your last idea. anyone else?
angel that loves tigers: you should make a tiger shark
god: dammit does anyone have anything original
angel that hates nails: i have an idea
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Hey old couples. Email addresses are free. You can each have your own. Wait… Just gave that more thought. Forget it. Keep sharing.
@AlmightyBored
I’m not fat. I prefer to think of myself as difficult to abduct and hard to conceal.
@SatansTongue
*Vladimir Putin dining*
I want Russian fries
“They’re French fries”
Not for long
*crosses Ukraine out on agenda & lists France*
Not for long
@JasonLastname
I’ve done hundreds of crossword puzzles over the years, but just this morning I noticed they provide clues.
@robfee
Wow the weather sure is getting cool *A cloud rolls by wearing sunglasses and smoking an unfiltered cigarette*
@criedwolves
i love the term “partner”. are we dating? are we detectives on a case together? are we cowboys? are we cowboy detectives in a relationship? there’s no bad answer