*climbs into windowless van*
*puts on “Free Hugs” t-shirt*
*heads out to make new friends*
*waits for lawyer in windowless room*
Me: Can you please move? I have no space
My husband: Where? There’s literally no room
Me: I hear Canada is nice
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This is hilarious….
Girl: I can’t wait to have kids! I babysit so I pretty much know what it’s like to be a parent. It’ll be easy.
Me: *laughs for 20 minutes*
each morning I put one uncooked ravioli in a thermos. i pour hot water over it, steeping it like tea, and then i drink it all day at work (i work at the white house) and at the end of the day, as i take the last sip of the tea, the soft ravioli slides into my mouth, and i eat it
7-year-old: Can we leave the house?
Me: We could go for a walk.
7: And then what?
Me: Come back to the house.
7: I’ll just stay here.
if you mash a potato and then change your mind, just mail me the mashed potato and i will un-mash it and send it back
It’s so unfair how the houses on HGTV get remodeled in 30-60 minutes, but my house is taking 2-3 months.
so many bosses have told me some variant on ‘it seems as if you’re only here for the paycheck’ and like. yeah
Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?
Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.
i hear. a borking. in the distance. this means. i too. must bork. so that everyone knows. i heard. the initial borking. it’s common courtesy